4 offers later, no house, 2 of them went for way over asking price and too high for me, hm, should this very little woman move to mid city? is this the next up and coming area, will we gentrify it? will there be stores with stuff that is completely overpriced and pretty people walking around? echo park is getting too expensive for me, so what other alternatives to i have?

i also want a deal, i can't help it, my mom grew up poor and raised me with that mind set, i need a deal and i need to not waste anything, my mom is so funny, so i waited out the crazy housing market, but it still seems crazy to me

i just saw an excellent house in Glassel Park, but it is too far from work, i don't think i can compromise this much, since i tend to stick, but i'm considering

i have an idea, can a few of us in a similar socio-economic class (any creed or color), who like art/music/fashion and will take care of our house get together to take over a neighborhood that needs love? i'll love my house if you love yours

as soon as i fret too much over my house situation, i think of someone who recently told me i was lucky to even be at a place in my life where i could consider buying a house, yes, thank you, i'm unmarried and trying to buy a house all under my name, it does feel good to even think i can try to make this happen for myself

Splendid! Nonsense!

I'm lonely.

I wore a summer suit and light lavender suede shoes today - it rained on me - I didn't know it was raining or going to rain all day.

I made an offer on a house today, but I'm really not that excited about it. I don't even know that I want it. And it is way more than I can afford. Shouldn't you be in love to sell your future to a bank?

I found out my stress behavior is extreme impatience, annoyance that everyone is so stupid (including me when I can't figure out why my formatting isn't working), and short, pointed responses to interruptions. However, we got the proposal out the door by 7:55pm. It seems the job always fills the time given.

My friend got her dream job offer. Hurray! Neither of us had the energy to celebrate tonight, but we will, soon.

I go to SF for work next week. All I want to do is: go to the science museum, eat at Chutney, sit at a bar to watch the moving portraits, and one new experience undetermined as of yet.

What else? I'm considering doing something really bad, just to see what would happen. That sounds way more exciting than it is.

I will not harbor bad thoughts. I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts.

You know you are sickly when:

Your skinny pants fit like your fat pants.
You get a nasty stomach flu thing after getting the chickenpox.
You take a 2 - 4 hour nap daily.
Your Dad, Mom, coworkers, and friends tell you that you look tired (all the time).
You take a little rest after exerting energy for more than 5 minutes.
The sofa & bed & DVR are your best friends.
You can't remember when food tasted good.

Hmmm. That's it. I hope you are doing better than me!

Hater

Hate is a destructive experience. All it needs is a small spark, then it takes off to create a wild fire inside of you. You can become someone you didn't even know existed when fueled by hate (via pain). I've experienced this first hand. I just try to not let that spark turn into action. Try is the operative word here.

Funny, it is a lot like love. You do crazy things (like not sleep) and say crazy things (that don't always hold true). It turns you flush and focuses your attention to some person. It feels good when that other person feels what you are feeling...

So good luck to those falling in love - you may hate that person with the same passion sooner or later. Do I sound bitter? Maybe, but love and hate are great?

JPL Wildlife

Sometimes my job takes me to JPL (Jet Propulsion Laboratory) for the day. I always enjoy going there. The Lab is like a school campus, but they are right on the mountainside. It goes nature, JPL, then Pasadena to be very simplistic.

In the morning the deer are out. They just cruise around the Lab. I've surprised them around a corner or two, and they just pop their heads up, then walk away. Sometimes there will be a couple of fawns as well - they are so damn cute. You have to be careful when getting in your car because sometimes they will lay down against your car wheel. I have a few pics of the JPL deer.

Today I went to see an Engineer and there was a huge, hairy brown spider next to his nameplate outside his office. It wasn't a brown recluse. It looked dead so I gently touched one of its legs, and it slowly pulled it's leg away from my finger.

Maybe that is what I like, the spiders, deer, lizards, etc. are all pretty damn mellow on Lab. The Engineers don't bug them, and they don't bug the Engineers. It's a good atmosphere there.

The JPL Engineers seem to really love what they do so it's fun to learn about their projects and help them with the best tech toys. Plus, they are so smart - it's like they glow with intelligence. Oh yeah, they love UNIX and OS X so I appreciate this as well.

They all make up the wildlife @ JPL.

Endometriosis Made Simple, It Sucks

Warning: I don't really hold any female stuff back here, and it is damn long!

So they, the docs, are 99% sure I have endometriosis (endo). Some of the tissue that lines my uterus is not in my uterus, but somewhere where it shouldn't be (in my right ovary). This causes excruciating pain during my period. I'm talking on the floor, sweating, quick & shallow breathing, throwing up - yes, very unpleasant. Thank you J* for caring for me on your bathroom floor that one month!

They don't know 100% until they remove some of the tissue. But I'm not going to do surgery until I decide I want to have a kid. Such a big question that I don't really want to decide on right now, even though my clock is ticking. (I just don't seem to notice it's tick tock to much.) Then again, endo might screw up my chances for a baby from my body anyway.

They, medical researchers, don't know what causes endo. Isn't that a fun? It is rumored to be an educated white woman’s disease. Red meat might be a cause or at least makes it worse. There is no cure. It could disappear, and it could worsen forever. The later is more likely.

I got off birth control in December '04 after being on it for a while. Then, in June '05 I tried the patch (which I hated - ugly & sticky). My period after the patch was horribly painful. The gyno thought I had a uterine infection so I went on antibiotics. I switched to the nuvaring - I was very suspicious of the patch, even though it shouldn't have caused the pain.

The next month I went to the gyno in pain they said take large amounts of Advil, then the next month they had me try naproxin (stronger Alieve). The next month I took Codine, which made me nauseous, then Vicodin, which made me depressed. Codine and Vicodin were self-prescribed to get me though the pain. Now I'm on Ponstel, which has done pretty good for me.

In August I got an ultrasound, and in November I got a second one. This involved an inside one and outside one. Damn, I hate having to go pee that badly. They make you drink a bunch of water for the outside one because your bladder is over your uterus. The water allows the ultrasound to "see through" the bladder to the uterus. Then you have to pee for the inside one, which is a moment of joy before you get a dildo looking thing inserted about 4 - 6 inches inside of you. The tech moves it around quite a bit - sometimes uncomfortable, but bearable. The joy of being a woman!

They found a cyst on my right ovary. It may have enlarged a bit between ultrasounds. So they send me for an MRI for 45 minutes, then an injection and another 15 minutes of MRI. Whaw, whaw, whaw, thack, thack, thack, over and over again. I started to fall asleep. It was actually kind of interesting to think that the small particles that make up my body were being manipulated with a big magnet & RF pulses all outside of my body to give a picture of what is inside. (Well, I'm kind of nerdy too so this stuff is interesting to me.)

So I've been on the ring up until now, January '06, and I just got my period. I'm doing pretty damn well with just a little pain. I've been taking Advil, and waiting to see if I need the Ponstel. I'm hoping each month to be a little better, and I think it is looking good.

Now what? I just go off the ring when I want to get preggers. I might not have pain, but I probably will. Getting preggers puts a pause on it since you aren't having a period.

I guess this is just a slice of life that I'm trying to eat and not let it eat me.

my little car accident

Never posted from 10/10/05:

Well, I got "nailed in the rear" on Sat. It was scary - I heard it coming, then saw it coming. Screeeecchhhh, then boom. The van that hit me had to be towed off the freeway. The front axel was shot. No one was hurt, just shocked. I was covered in peppermint tea. I missed the MOCA art opening as a result.

More today, 1/25/06, looking back:

The car I was in had 20K worth of damage, but I drove away. I only had some muscle pain a week later. The greatest loss was my custom CD from Weston, which I miss a lot. This was my first real accident, and I hope it is my last.